Monday, September 12, 2011

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find out what it means to me

And, it's back to school already and somehow refreshing to feel a part of this school culture. A culture that must be at least somewhat existant in every country as formal education becomes the international norm. This period where life settles down and gets more serious and regulated, not just for the kids but for everybody. It's so comforting to find familiarity in seeing the same little ones toter off to primary school in their often filthy dirty farm clothes with giddy, determined looks on their faces, often joyously greeting me in French, English, or Ghomala and sometimes just staring at me in astonishment and wonder while tripping over their own feet. To meander down the hill while the morning fog is burning out of the valley and the layers and layers of mountain ranges begin to slide into view one by one while casually chatting with last year's students. It's so marvelous to be back and to have a sense of ease and calm. To feel less pressured to do it all and more confident about doing my piece well. I have started this year an entirely different specimen. I have just learned that I've been approved for the small grant I applied for to run my Girls' Club this year which is going to allow us to do so much more and dig so much deeper than what I did with them last year. I spent half the summer putting together a comprehensive program that begins with self-esteem building through a myriad of life skills like good communication and relationships, preventing early pregnancy and HIV, and being a leader, role model, and professional in the future. Our first meeting is Sunday and is the most enthusiastic I've been about anything at all since Peace Corps service began. It truly feels like my biggest chance to make a lasting impact and I can't wait to get going. I've been working with the village women more and more and now that I have a key to the community center and women stopping me all the time telling me they want to come to the next formation I feel quite official. School is still school and it's as challenging and frustrating as they warn you it will be and then some. This year is definitely easier than last year because at least I knew what to expect and went to the school administration to specify my desires way ahead of time. This means that as far as my classes go, I have 2 different levels this year rather than the 4 I was covering last year, my classes are Monday-Wednesday, all finishing by 1 in the afternoon, and I chose the levels I had the least issue with before. Unfortunately this kind of bit me in the ass because as it turns out I inadvertently chose the 2 largest classes of the school this year. Logically I could not have imagined this scenario. Last year I had 1 5e class of 62 students and I made the most progress with them than any other class primarily because I had them 5 hours per week. I requested to take them on again because though I wanted to stay with the same kids in the next level, I knew they were going to get mixed in with the other class which was quite notoriously the worst of the school last year. I avoided the 3e class because that was the biggest class at school last year with 85 kids and I knew a lot of kids might be repeating because it's an exam year. As it happens, I walked into both 3e classes today to find them remotely empty as compared to last year whereas my 5es are both classes of 83. The other class is that of the oldest students from last year who I have gotten to move up with. This year they will take another important national exam and it's nice to work with them again. It's been interesting to have some of the kids who are repeating who didn't have me last year because my students seem to be far ahead of them. These kids are much older and discipline is something I can control on more of a casual basis so far. The changes I recognize in myself in just a year are quite dramatic. Standing in front of 160 intently staring eyes last year I felt like more of a peer than a professional. Sure, I had just spent almost 3 years giving highly wonky presentations to oftentimes far more intellectual individuals than myself, but this audience was an entirely different ball game. TEENAGERS! Somehow the latent adolescent desires to be accepted and liked as one of them came burning back to life. I remember Claude saying to me as I attempted to fly out the door in my Reefs one morning, "Non, non, non; You cannot wear those to school; no one will respect you". This year is all about the respect. No more ignoring all that very wonderful advice from our trainers about starting firm and getting softer. These first few weeks of school are crucial for striking as much fear into the hearts and minds of Cameroonian children as is humanly possible without physical abuse. Not only that, but having SOME clue about where I'm starting with these students in terms of language ability takes a HUGE load off stress wise. It made putting together the academic program a ton easier and it makes lesson planning far easier. Now I'm trying to equip the students with as much vocabulary as I can jam into their already overwhelmed brains so when I speak to them in nothing but English all year I won't get mummified stares and chaos in return. Other than all of that everything is just moving along. I have been kind of wrapped up in lesson planning, grant writing, and statement of purpose avoidance these last couple weeks but I'm trying to make an effort to kick it at least a few times a week with the neighbors. Today I indulged in that pasttime with my favorite baby buddy Joel, who is already 9 months old and is growing like a weed and is the happiest and most amazing baby I know. His little delighted smile whenever he sees me melts my everything away and I go into this entire world of baby-mania when I'm with him. Now he's at this age where he's beginning to get cuddly and when he wears himself out from continuously darting his head and eyes about being curious about everything all the time he briefly rests his head on my chest and I feel the strongest desire to be a mom that I ever have. The Cameroonians would love nothing more than that! I few weeks ago I was sick and Diane hinted that I was pregnant and I could tell the thought of it made her feel more connected to me. It's an equalizer here, being a mom. It's what makes sense to them. Being a professional, being an independent, decisive, opinonated woman, that all seems like planning life out while life itself is passing you by. Like a popular song here says, "Life is beautiful; you most not complicate it." God, at 26, unmarried and no children on the horizon in the next few years- what the hell am I even living for! There's always so much more to say about life here, life in general, and just everything but it's past 10 and I plan on getting up at 5:30. Respect comes with getting to school BEFORE your students! I have a better internet connection now thanks to my ever attentive mother. Thus, I promise to write more and hopefully to add some pictures soon! Oh! Post script: You may be wondering about the name of the blog changing! Basically, I named my blog before I came to Cameroon and "Tubab" is a Senegalese term for a foreigner. Now that I've spent over a year here I figure it's time for a more culturally appropriate title- "Dok" means white in Ghomala and is the term villagers call me relentlessly in the street.